Who’s Controlling Who?
Romans 13:1-7
Preached at evening service at Calvary
Baptist Church Dec.15,2002
Hey, who’s in control
here? Seems like somebody ought to be in control don’t you think?
I think so, I think so. Any teenager
or child here tonight, now I know you wouldn’t be talking about your own mom, you
wouldn’t be doing that, but you would say Pastor Walt I know a kid who has a
very controlling mother. Anybody like that? Come on, don't be intimidated, raise
your hand. I know a kid who has a very controlling mother, raise your hands. My, look at
those hands! Good night! All these kids have these controlling mothers! God in Heaven, you
poor whipped down little thing! Man, we need to take this to court or something, who ever
that kid is who has this controlling mother, we need to do something about that,
don’t you think?
You know I desperately tried to find
the word control in the Bible and it’s just not in there. Now what would be another
word we might use to mean the same thing? In other words if we came to some situation
where people were working we might ask, who is in charge here? The word charge would be
about the same thing as control. We find the word charge in Acts chapter eight, we’re
not going to turn there but you remember the story about the Ethiopian eunuch. He had
charge of all the queen’s treasure. If you want to see the man in charge, the man in
control, you would see this treasurer. Anything that had to do with the treasury this
would be the man to see, he’s in charge, he is in control of the treasury. I’m
sure you could almost hear the Queen saying to him as she delegated him that authority to
be in charge of it, she would say to him, “Now I want you to keep everything
under,” what? Under control. Is that unreasonable? I don’t think so.
. So with the job no doubt came authority, right? Of course; in
the Bible you might use the word authority. The word is used in the Bible. The Pharisees
ask Jesus one day, “Who gave you this authority?” He answered by saying,
“Let me ask you a question, John’s baptism, where did he get his
authority?” Now that brings up the question of the authority to baptize, yet most
Christians don’t even think about it. That’s interesting isn’t it? Aman? Where did John the Baptist get his
authority? If you say from Heaven why didn’t you do what he said? If you say he did
not have any authority them you will have trouble with those who followed him, so which
will it be? So they said, we just don’t know where he got his authority. We
haven’t come to a decision about the matter as yet.
So there is authority and overseeing; who’s overseeing
this job, who’s in charge here? Or the word rule may be used, “Take me to your
leader, ruler, boss” He, the Ethiopia eunuch, was the man in charge, the man in
authority, he was delegated this authority by royalty, the queen. Now that’ll preach
right there. Aman?
Now some of you will be for me and some
of you will be against me, some of you have already made up your minds. Back to these
children, let’s go to Romans 13 and just read some verses cause after all this is a
preaching service and I should read a verse or two, aman? “Let every soul be subject unto the higher powers. For
there is no power but of God: the powers that be are ordained of God.” Let every soul be subject to what? The higher
powers, power in the sense of authority.
Now I frankly want to tell you that I am full up to here with
this “controlling” thing. I have lived a few years and I remember years and
years and years going by in my life, I never heard about “controlling “
husbands, never heard a thing about that. (Maybe because I was one, aman?) Never heard a thing about, “She’s got a
controlling husband” or “Sniff, sniff, I’ve got a controlling husband”
or whatever, you know. And that is so misapplied and misused that I’m just sick to my
stomach of hearing about it from certain quarters. You take any old hussy who puts herself
on such a pedestal in her wicked, ungodly pride that any insinuation that a husband would
have any control over her at all would just throw her into a fit. “He’s a
controlling husband!” she cries out in rabid anger. Aw, blow it out your ear!
You’re just a stinking rebel is all you are. You’re just a rebellious wife is
all you are. Blow it our your ear, take it somewhere else. We’ve got a Word of God
here that makes it very plain what the situation in the home ought to be and you know it
as well as I know it. Aman? So--- you’re not going to hear a whole lot new tonight
but you’re going to hear some stuff that maybe you never heard before.
So these children have these controlling mothers! That’s pathetic! But as a matter of fact boys and girls, as one who is in
authority over the children, she has a controlling position. Her position calls for her to
be a controlling mother. That’s part of her job, to control you. It’s part of
her job to be a controlling mother without apology. And if you are not a controlling
mother God help you! Thank you fellows, aman, boy I like that. But your times coming you
know. Now is it good that she is a controlling mother? Certainly it’s good she is a
controlling mother! Absolutely it’s good she is a controlling mother. Don’t you
think with those kids that somebody ought to be in control? Who’s to be in control,
the kids? Or the mother!? I mean any idiot ought to have enough sense to know that. It
ought to be spontaneous, yeah, she ought to be in control! Of course!
Have you ever heard of controlling children? Of course you have. If you been around the block you have. One guy said, “I
was born at night but I wasn’t born last night.” I like that, that’s pretty
good. Controlling children, a controlling child is nothing but a rebel. In rebellion
against his parents. I see it all the time. I saw one down at the Dollar Store the other
day. I did. It was so funny, this kid must have been 8 or 9 years old, and he was a pretty
big kid. They were between the aisle and he was carrying on crying, “But I want this
and I want that.” “You can’t have it we have to go.” She started
leaving and he got louder and louder staying right where he was, bawling and screaming and
jumping up and down. As I walked by him pushing my basket I leaned over next to his ear
and went, “Ha,ha, ha!” He really let one out then and ran for mama! I
couldn’t help it, I got right in his ear and went “Ha, ha, ha!” I guess it
wasn’t real nice but…anyway.
Now let me ask you a question. Why is it all right for a mother
to be a controlling mother but it is not all right for a child to be a controlling child? Because he has not been delegated the authority of
a controller. Who delegated you that authority? It’s like the preacher this morning,
who called you to criticize everybody? I love what a pastor friend used to say. “How many here have been called to preach
raise your hand. That’s good there are a few of you. Now how many of you have been
called to tell preachers what to preach? Nobody, OK. How many of you have been called to
tell preachers how long to preach? Nobody, OK, so you just keep your mouth shut because
God never called you to tell preachers what to preach nor how long to preach.”
That’s the way he started his revival meetings. Our people hated him immediately! But
you know before the revival was over they loved that man because they knew he was being
faithful to the word of God. And so the child has not been delegated the authority of a
controller, he is in fact seeking to usurp the authority given to somebody else, his
parents. Do you understand that? This child is usurping the authority that has been given
to the parents. Aman? Now this is just pretty clear stuff. It is wrong for the child to be
a controller but it is right for the parent to be a controller. It’s a necessary fact
folks. It’s a necessary fact.
Another question, is there such a thing as over-control? Absolutely! And just as it’s wrong for that child to be a controller it is
wrong for the parent to be an over –controller. Aman? It’s not good any way you
look at it. Now some parents over-control out of sincere desire to do the right thing by
their child but they are over-controlling that kid and it’s wrong. Other parents
over-control because they are mean spirited, and of course, that’s wrong too. In both
cases it’s wrong. If you were sincere about it it’s just as wrong as though you
were not sincere about it. It doesn’t
matter what your motive is, you are over-controlling and it’s hurting that kid.
Now I am going to move from the parents to the husband and wife
relationship. Now I know, not your husband of course, but you probably know some wife who
has, or used to have, a controlling husband, would you raise your hand, anybody like that?
Well some of you men and a few of you women have your hands raised. Now I want to tell you
something, using the word “controlling” as they think of it now days, which I
think is misnamed, because of a misunderstanding of being a controlling husband or parent
or whatever, or boss, or pastor, anybody in authority, or sheriff, sometimes Todd (deputy
sheriff of Pierce County, with the church for twenty years) becomes an over-controlling
law enforcement officer. They make the news don’t they? Over-control. You gotta watch
that don’t you Todd? But is it all right for him to be in control? Absolutely! Aman?
I mean out here, traffic- what? Control! Aman? We have to have control folks or else you
are out of control. And so I’ve heard this stupid thing about controlling husbands
over the years so many times but I have actually met four controlling wives to every one
controlling husband. I’m talking to you about fifty years of dealing with people. I
have seen more controlling wives, four to one, than controlling husbands. I’m telling
you that, you can believe it or not.
I wondered the other day if the internet would possibly have anything on this and
sure enough, listen to this, “I have a controlling wife
who has no clue she is a controller. (Oh, you never hear
about controlling wives, just controlling husbands.) I could go on and on but I wont,
I’m in need of books to help either husbands of controlling wives or books on how to
deal with it, will you please help me.” This
was a letter sent in to a marriage counselor. He said he had a controlling wife who had no
idea she was a controller. I’m sure there are some wives who would say I have a
controlling husband who has no idea he is a controller. Here’s another one, this is
good, perk up your ears and listen to this, “Writer urges controlling wives to
(Don’t you like this guys? You cowards. Now this is a woman talking) surrender for
peace on the home front.” This was
written about a woman who confessed to being a controlling wife. She wrote a book, anybody
know the name of the book? The name of the book is, “The Surrendered Wife,” I
don’t think the woman is even a Christian. Now if a Christian lady wrote it she would
have titled it, “The Submissive Wife.” There is a difference. I disagree with
her philosophy as far as surrender versus submission is concerned. It is more scriptural
to be in submission than it is to be surrendered. To surrender is to imply something that
is not true, capitulating to an enemy; your husband is not your enemy. Listen to what she says, “Over-controlling
wives of the world, unite, behind a white flag. Lay down your arms, curb your tongue,
squelch your sarcasm, and give your husband plenty of r-e-s-p-e-c-t! And that’s just
for starters.” She says farther,
“Concede financial control, look the other way when the big guy takes the wrong
freeway exit…” Folks this is a
woman saying this. I thought you might be interested in hearing what she had to say. She goes on to say, “ My therapist suggested
a “no control” date where my husband would make every decision of the evening
down to what I wore and what I ate- I flunked big time. We weren’t even out of the
driveway yet when I said, ‘The best way
to get there is…’ and I told him where to park.” “Mostly,” she
says, “it has to do with keeping your mouth shut.” I’m glad she said that
and I’m just quoting it. I’ll think I’ll read that again, I like
that,” Mostly it has to do with keeping your mouth shut!” It’s all about respect…” she
continues. Aman? This is so interesting. I thought you might like to hear that, The
Surrendered Wife.
Now did you find that interesting? I’m sure you did
whether you admit it or not. Now we all know who the divinely ordained head of the home
is, right? No joking about it, we all know. This is so funny. The other day at Doug’s
restaurant, hope this waitress is listening to me tonight, I was pondering this message a
couple of weeks ago. I think Bro.Skippy was with me. She came to take our order and I
said, “You married?” She said,
“Yes.” I said, “Do you have a controlling husband?” she said, “No
way, uhuh.” I said “Who makes the final decisions?” She said “We
do.” I laughed out loud and said “We do?” I said “You’re a
Christian aren’t you?” She said “Yes” I said “Are you in
submission to your husband?” She bristled and replied “As long as he loves me
like Christ loved the church!” She just
flat was not going to say Yes, he is the head of the home and he makes the final
decisions. In all the counseling I have done with people who are going to get married the
question always comes up about who makes the final decisions and in every case the future
wife always agrees that he will make the final decisions. It sounds good but the facts are
far different, aman?
Wives who challenge the husband’s authority. Why in
God’s name would a Christian wife, a godly woman, challenge her husband’s
authority? Why would you do that? You know the Word of God as well as I do. You know that
God has ordained him to be the head of the home. Yet you challenge his authority to lead
the home, to be in any kind of control. Let him say anything to you in an authoritarian
kind of way, I simply mean speaking with authority, and you immediately accuse him of
being a “controller.” How many of
you know that there are some wives like that, raise your hand. You don’t know that?
Well you know it now. I’m telling you, I’ve met to many of them.
And so…is a controlling wife a good thing or a bad thing?
Hey you cowards speak up! Is a controlling wife a good thing or a bad thing, tell me!? Bad! Bad, bad! Why is it bad for a wife to be a
controlling wife? For the same reason it’s bad for a child to be a controlling child.
Because she has not been delegated the authority of a controller in that God-ordained
relationship. When did God call you to control, to rule, to oversee the family as the
overseer should? He never did. You are a
rebel, aman? God said, “I suffer not a woman to teach nor to usurp authority over the
man.” Is a controlling husband a good thing or a bad thing? Tell me! It’s a good
thing! He cannot be the husband he needs to be if he is not in control! Now you can like
this or lump it but you are going to take it one way or the other and if you don’t
like it that much there is the door you can get up and get out right now. But when you do
you are publicly declaring I don’t care what God said, this is the kind of home I am
going to have! And you know that as well as I do. You know that.
It’s a good thing because it’s necessary to do the
job. Can the husband be an over-controller? Absolutely! Is it a good thing or a bad thing
for him to be an over-controller? It’s a bad thing. Bad! Bad, bad! That’s good;
it’s a bad thing no matter what the motive is. Now he may have sincere motives too.
You know what I mean? Let me read again from the internet; “While I was surfing the
web I came across an article on husbands with control issues and after reading several
articles on traits of a controlling husband I can see that I fit the description.” I
really think they are talking about an over-controlling husband. He continued, “My
wife whom I love with all my heart is at her wits end with my constant concern of time
watching when she comes home from work and the clothes she wears to work. We are still
together after twelve years, I have two boys ages six and eight I can see that I also
control many things in their lives.” Let’s say over-control, somebody has got to
control those kids. Now that’s interesting, here is a man who realizes that he has a
problem being an over-controller. I think that’s a real eye-opener when a man comes
to that place where he can say, “I am an over-controller.”
So every position of authority has an element of control in it. It just has to be that way. Talking about law enforcement awhile ago.
That’s a position of authority, is it right for them to be in control? Absolutely it
is. Can they get out of control or be over controlling? Yes they can and they pay a stiff
price for it too. Especially if they are caught on video, if you know what I mean.
Let’s talk about controlling children. How do kids control
their parents? I’ll just give you a couple of ideas, in fact I’m open to you
giving me some ideas. If you have children then they have already tried it on you.
Probably one of the most popular ways for a kid to control his parents is the “temper
fit.” Throwing a tantrum, right? Even as
young as three or four, because they can’t get their own way they throw themselves in
the floor, screaming like a banshee, then they hold their breath ‘til you think
they’re going to die! Many a mom, seeing their child turn beet red in the face,
become almost hysterical thinking the kid is going to suffocate. “Dear God don’t
let him die right there in the floor.” Hey, he ain’t gonna die, don’t worry
about it! It’s just his way of trying to get you under his control. Temper tantrums,
pouting, sullying up, finally you give in, “OK, you can have it.” Sometimes they
just wear you down with their incessant pleading. Older kids are known to even threaten
their elderly parents with bodily harm if they don’t get their own way. Other times a
son or daughter trying to help their elderly parents will come off as a controller,
almost having to force their parent to do what is really in their own best interest.
By the way,
anybody who is in a position of authority whether you are a mom, a husband, a boss or
whatever, and some of you ladies who work out of the home and you are in a position of
authority there, you are a controller there at the office place; there are times you are
going to over-control in spite of yourself. It’s just going to happen. You will want
to be in control to the point you will over-control, and what happens then? That’s
when you say, “I’m sorry, I over-reached,. I over-stepped, I’m sorry and
I’ll try not to do that again. I’ll try to become conscience of it” And you
don’t mean to be an over-controller but it just happens because you are in that
position and you are constantly in that position. A pastor can do that. He can be
over-controlling without meaning to be.
Back to the older kids controlling their elderly parents.
Sometimes they don’t threaten them with bodily harm, they threaten to leave them.
“I’ll leave you if you don’t do what I say.” Or “I’ll kick you out if you don’t
do what I tell you too.” I’m not talking about parents who are so senile they
can’t think for themselves or know what’s going on. I’m talking about
parents who can still make some decisions and judgements and so forth and these older kids
control those parents and you know it’s true. They insist on making all the decisions
for that older parent and that is pathetic. I said making all the decisions for that
parent is pathetic! Now you may have to make some decisions for that older parent, you may
have to do that. But if you insist on making every decision for him or her then you are
hurting that parent and you are not being very smart! There are some decisions that parent
can make. They can say, “I’d rather have this than that.” Whatever. Or
I’d rather wear this than that.” And so-forth. In other words there are some
simple decisions that they ought to be allowed to make even if they are a little senile.
The same way with your children. Some over-controlling moms hurt their kids because they
won’t let them make certain decisions. Actually I’m just coming to this in my
notes.
Over-controlling parents. They don’t
allow the child to make any decisions on their own. I know of parents who literally do not
allow their kids to make any decisions. The parent decides what the kid eats, when
they eat, where they eat, what the kid is going to wear, what color it will be, how big,
how loose, what the kid reads, what they do not read, and so on. I’m not talking
about the things that every parent ought to be controlling to teach the child what’s
right and what’s wrong. I’m talking about the parent who orders the kid a
chocolate ice-cream comb instead of letting him or her decide for them selves what flavor
they will have. I’m a firm believer in allowing children to make decisions as young
as possible within certain set limits. It’s a matter of training. If you have taught
them right concerning the basics (a whole other sermon) then each stage of life should
allow them to make more and more important decisions, with your guidance, until when they
have reached their adult years it will be natural for them to know how to make the best
decisions.
Some over-controlling parents do not allow their boys to be
boys. Another way of putting it is that they are “over-protective.” But it is
really over-control. That’s a boy! He’s not a little girl, that’s a boy!
Boys climb trees, dig caves, boys go stomping through the water and play with guns;
I’m just saying, let the boy be a boy! Teach him to shoot as soon as you can. Teach
him to respect the weapon, the rifle, the gun. Teach him to never treat it as unloaded,
it’s always loaded. I had a twenty-two when I was ten years old. I was a crack shot.
But I never pointed it at anybody. I had a 20 gauge shot gun when I was twelve years old.
But let a boy be a boy.
How do over-controlling parents hurt their kids? By making
girls grow up too soon. That’s pathetic and I have seen it in some degree in our own
church. How old should a girl be before she starts wearing make-up? I mean in an adult
way. Don’t you think nine or ten is a little young for them to wear make up? Don’t you think twelve or thirteen is a
little young for a girl to wear high heels and slinky dresses? That’s being an
over-controlling parent. But that’s what my kid wants, well the kid’s in control
then. Aman! I’m just telling you some of this stuff.
Let’s get to controlling wives.
Listen, any control over a husband is over-control. I’m talking about the kind of
wife who says I’m going to be the controller in this house, not you! You just
rebelled against God. You are rebellious and the Bible says that rebellion is as the sin
of witchcraft. And as I say, with some wives the mere suggestion that she should be in
submission is a threat to her self-esteem and this is rank, raw, naked pride. Aman? The wives control by, (I’ve never
experienced any of this myself of course but others have told me.) the controlling wife
controls by brow beating, by throwing a fit, now this is kind of the extreme
but she’s a real hell-cat. Aman? You talk about a temper tantrum! She has never grown
up from that little kid that makes such a big scene. Her husband says, “Now
don’t blow up honey!” He’ll do anything to keep her from throwing that fit.
They control by ridiculing his ideas. By ridiculing the things he does. Ladies and
gentlemen there are wives just like this. Frankly I don’t know of any in our
congregation, I hope not and if you are here tonight I hope the Lord speaks to your heart.
They control by threatening divorce. “If you don’t like it get a
divorce!” Can I tell you something, I’m going way back. When I first got
married. Of course my wife married a kid but she did not know I was only seventeen. She
was twenty and thought I was too. I idolized that woman. I mean I really idolized her. We
got married and moved into this little apartment. It didn’t have a refrigerator it
had an icebox. Every few days you put fifty pounds of ice in it to keep things from
spoiling. Now ice does what? Right, it melts. Turns into what? Water, right, and there was
a pan underneath the icebox to catch the water. You just had to remember to empty it every
day or you would have water all over the floor. I don’t how many times we walked in
there and water was all over the floor. When that happened and my wife came home she would
just throw a heissy, a real fit. Then I would get chewed out. This would just about kill
me. What killed me worse than that was she would usually say, “If you don’t like
it get a divorce!” I think she was just hoping I would. I can’t tell you how
that was like a knife stabbing me in the heart. One day I said to myself, what can I do
about this? I loved her so much with all my heart and I would have died for her and now
she was saying, “Just get a divorce!” I said to myself, “I have to think of
someway that she doesn’t say that anymore because it just kills me. How do I get her
to know that?” Well I borrowed a thirty-eight pistol from my brother-in-law. The next
time she said that I would show her how I was hurting. Sure enough it wasn’t long
that she said it again. I was ready. I took the gun out waved it around (some of you are
way ahead of me and you are wrong) and told her I couldn’t stand it anymore and
stepped outside closing the door. I had a big firecracker, I lit it off and quickly lay on
the ground. The firecracker went off like a pistol shot and a split second later she was
tearing out of the house screaming my name and headed for me as fast as she could go. I
had thought about using a little catsup to make it more real but seeing that she had a bad
heart I had decided against it. She got to me and rolled me over. I looked up at her and
with a wink said “Hi.” She didn’t know whether to laugh or cry or to commit
murder. But you know I don’t remember her saying that to me anymore. “If you
don’t like it get a divorce.” That kills a guy if he loves his wife.
That’ll keep you under control buddy.
How do wives control their husbands?
Sometimes just wearing them down. Never let him complete a sentence, keep putting words in
his mouth. Soon he will get so exasperated and so frustrated he’ll do whatever you
say. What’s another way? Lock the bedroom door. Cut him off. “I’m cutting
you off if you don’t do what I say.” After awhile he will be so desperate she
will get her way. What’s another way? Nag him to death! Just nag him to death. Nag,
nag,nag,nag,nag,nag! You will drive him absolutely nuts! And you will have control over
that old boy. No wonder some guys don’t want to go home from work! How do some wives
control their husbands? Make them dress to suit you and not themselves. Know any wives
like that fellows? He’s not your little kid you know. He’s a grown adult man!
And some wives treat their husbands like he was one of the kids. He’s not one of the
kids, he’s your husband. Another thing controlling wives do, make important decisions
without consulting him. “Honey, what’s that contractor doing out here? Oh,
he’s putting a fence in for us.” “OH?” “ Where’s the car
honey? Oh, I put it in the shop, I’m having the engine rebuilt.” “OH?”
Aman? Are any of you wives guilty of this kind of stuff? Making really important decisions
that really affect the family, taking you out of the family at times and with no
consulting him whatsoever, just “I’m gonna do it!” And then sometimes a
wife just sulks, like we guys do sometimes.
How do husbands over-control their wives?
You know I thought and thought on this and I just couldn’t think of any examples of a
husband over-controlling. Ha! We all know better than that. Ways that husbands
over-control. In the matter of decision making, not allow her to make any decisions. Aman?
Now really there are some husbands who will not let their wives make any personal
decisions. They hardly look on her as an individual. They do not look upon her as a fellow
human being with all the rights and dignity that every human being ought to have. He must
make all the decisions. The most personal decisions he makes for her without even giving
her a chance to make any for herself. And I guess some women stand for it. How does the
husband over-control? By insisting she give an account for every moment of the day. Every
thing she did, when she did it, and where she did it all through the day. She just about
has to keep a moment by moment diary to show her husband every day when he comes home from
work. There are actually men who want to confine their wives to the house unless they are
with them. Did you know that? Now I would call that over-controlling, wouldn’t you?
Well, you say, a man ought to know where his wife is and what she is doing. Yea, sure, but
every hour of the day? What’s the matter, can’t you trust the woman? Are you
afraid that when she leaves she’s meeting her boyfriend or something? Are you so
unsure of your position as your wife’s husband and sweetheart and lover that you are
afraid somebody could steal her away from you that quick if she gets out in public?
What’s another way husbands over-control? Don’t allow the wife to read anything
without your approval. Feel that you have to censor every book and magazine they read. I
know of unsaved husbands who refuse to allow their Christian wives to pray or read the
Bible in their house. Some husbands insist the wife even think and feel about everything
and every issue the same way he does. She can’t have a different opinion about
anything. Sir, she is a human being you know. There’s something wrong with you if you
think your wife has to agree with you in every area and issue of life.
Another way husbands over-control is
in the matter of personal intimacy, sexual intimacy. To ignore her wishes and feelings is
over-controlling. Dear friend you really ought to consider the fact that in sexual
intimacy the biggest job you have is to satisfy her and make her happy and make this an
enjoyable thing for her, not you. If you are any kind of a man you are going to receive
your greatest joy and value from your sexual experience in making your wife delighted and
happy that she has you for her husband. Amen? And when you over ride her own feelings and
her own wishes by doing something in such a way that it is hurtful to her then you
certainly are over-controlling.
Another way you over-control is to
ridicule her idiosyncrasies. These are the nutty little things that people do and every
body has idiosyncrasies. I have them and you have them and every body else has them. My
wife is getting to the point now that she is becoming a crossword puzzle nut. Every time
she has a few minutes to spare she’s over there working a crossword puzzle. I’m
at the other end of the couch brooding, wondering why she doesn’t pay me any
attention, but would rather work on that stupid puzzle. I could make a big thing out of
that but I’m not going to do it. Or maybe it’s the way she brushes her teeth or
some other way she does something. You don’t ridicule those things about another
individual, you have your share of idiosyncrasies and if
every body made a big issue out of it you wouldn’t like it very much. I
personally believe that you are over-controlling when you require her to get your approval
before she moves the furniture around. You come home and take it as a personal insult that
she moved the couch without asking your permission. In the first place sir I believe it is
God’s plan for the wife to have charge of the house, they are not simply to be
“keepers at home” but they are to keep the house, which is what the phrase means
in Titus 2:5 And that includes putting the furniture where she wants it. Don’t you
have enough to keep you occupied without worrying that this chair is in this particular
spot? I know there are always exceptions but I’m talking about the fact that your
wife does not have the liberty to move a chair around without your permission. That is
over-controlling.
We
have talked about people in control and people over-controlling. With certain people it is
quite proper for them to be in control because that is the position they hold. But if you
don’t hold that position it is not right for you to be a controller. Whether you are
a child trying to control the parent or a wife trying to control the husband or an
employee trying to control the boss, you are out of order. On the other hand it’s not
right for the controller to over control.
Now if you are in the position
of a controller there will be times when you will over-control. It’s the
nature of the case. Anybody who is doing a good job of controlling will over-control
sooner or later. But there are other people in the position of a controller, they do not
do a good job because they under –control at times. I would rather have you being a
good controller and on occasion over-controlling than to have you as a bad controller,
period. I mean the job has to get done.
Now let’s talk about the
ultimate controller for a few minutes. You know who that is, right? God is the
ultimate controller. Sometimes you might not think so because it’s in God’s plan
to allow the rebel to go a certain ways in his rebellion, but believe me there is a price
to pay. God is the ultimate controller. Israel is a good case in point. Israel as a nation
was carefully and strictly regulated by God. But it was all for the good may I say. They
were redeemed, delivered from a life under control to Pharoah. They were slaves. Under his
control life was bitter. They were in misery and unhappiness and sorrow and cried out to
God for deliverance. But to be delivered from a life of control as a slave does not mean
that when you get delivered you will still not be under control. Even though God delivered
them He did not want them to be out of control, as it were. Now they are redeemed to a
life under the control of a Benevolent Creator. That is really life at it’s best!
That is life that is ideal! Aman?
When they camped at Mt. Sinai for a
year God laid down His statutes, His ordinances, His laws, His rules, all these things
which would govern the lives of His people. And they agreed to every one. “All that
Thou hast said we will do” they said, because everyone of those laws were reasonable
and for the good of the people. And they entered into a covenant relationship with God.
And as they traveled God regulated their every move. The fire by night and the cloud by
day, this directed the journey of Israel all the way to the land of Canaan. Hey when are
we going to make camp? Don’t know, whenever the cloud settles down. Keep your eye on
the cloud, when it settles down we will make camp. How long will we be camped? Don’t
know, whenever the cloud lifts, that’s when we break camp. Well where are we going?
Don’t know, where ever the cloud leads us, just watch the cloud. Notice they did not
know where they would camp, how long they would be there or what direction they would
take, it was all according to that cloud and that cloud represented God’s will for
Israel. You see God had everything under control. God is a controller.
Of course you know the history of
Israel. They later rejected God’s control and paid a fearful price. Our problem is
that we want to control our own lives. Are you in a controlling position? That’s
great in that position but do you want to control your own life? Hey, God is the
controller and you are out of control! You are as wrong as a controlling child or a
controlling wife because God says I want to control your life. When you try to control
your own life it is never right, it is never good, it is all ways wrong, it is all ways
bad! We need to turn control of our lives over to Him. And I want to tell you that
it’s the best life you could possibly have. It’s the life of greatest joy,
it’s the life of greatest fulfillment, it’s the life of greatest peace, and it’s the life of greatest security. So we
need to turn control of our lives over to Him. We need to live a Christ-controlled life.
The Bible calls it being Spirit filled and walking in the Spirit.
He said in one place , “Why call
ye me Lord, Lord and do not the things I say?”
Again He said, “Ye are my servants if you do whatsoever I command you.”
God wants to be the controller of our lives. We are not our own. We have been bought with
a price, aman? He has every right to control us; the right of creation and the right of
redemption. Dear friend I hope this message has been a help and a blessing to you, please
take it to heart.
( All except the last few paragraphs of
this message were transcribed from a recording of the service. There was a great amount of
congregational participation during this message. For a free audio copy just send us your
name and address.)